No Place Like Home
by CfSbIi
Summary: Where do you turn where everything in your life is changing?
1. you

No Place Like Home

By: allie.

Summary: Where do you turn where everything in your life is changing?

Spoilers: I don't know if you would call it a spoiler if it is a spoiler for an up coming episode that has yet to happen. So if you don't know what might happen later in the season you might not want to read this. 

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"Fear is our greatest enemy. It blinds the soul and paralyzes the spirit."

– Unknown

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Marie POV

My life has been in total and utter chaos since the day that I married Jack Malone. I knew that marring this man would surly be the end of me. I knew that when I married Jack I would be competing daily with his job. His love for his job and his love for his family, his girls, me... her, is one in the same. Jack felt that it was his job to fight for every face that was placed upon that white board. He gave hope to those families that had thought that all was lost. He gave them something, someone to believe in. He walks around with the weight of the world on his shoulders. He has made it his mission in life to try to save the world. Give that one shred of light, of hope to those who didn't have any. That why what I have to tell him tonight I going to kill him, tare him apart. I've been transferred...

... to Chicago. 


	2. may be

Chapter Two

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"...from the sky, from the earth, from a scrap of paper, from a passing shape, from a spiders web... we must pick out what's good for us and where we can find it..."

- Pablo Picasso

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Marie asked me to come home early tonight. She told me that we needed to "talk." I don't remember the last time that my wife and I were able to have a honest conversation about anything. Every time that we have tried to talk since I've move back in, all that we have done is fight. Our conversations start off civil, but then she will accuse me of something, she'll tell me that I work to late or she'll accuse me of having an affair, or still being in one. I want to try to fix everything, I want to be a normal family, but I tink that this marriage is beyond repairs. Right not I don't think that there is anything I wouldn't do to make this marriage work. 

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When I came home the usual sounds of laughter of the television blaring with some kids television show on, were missing. As I entered the kitchen I smelled something really good. Something I've missed. It was the smell of a home cooked meal. When I didn't see anyone in the kitchen I went to the dinning room. Marie was in there setting the table. A table for two.

"Hey," I said, "where are the girls?" I question as I come into her view.

"Hannah is spending the night at Maddies, and Katie is with Rachel for her birthday," she replied without even looking up.

"What's the occasion?" I asked, pointing to the table.

"Oh..." she started. "I have something to tell you, and can't a wife do something nice for her husband?" she said, but the last part sounded forced.

"Okay. I am just going to run upstair and change before we eat," I said beginning to take off my tie, and go upstairs.

"Sure. It's going to be a few minutes anyway. Take your time," she said moving into the kitchen.

********************

Woah. I don't know what that was. But that must have been our single most civil, longest conversation since I have been back. Marie is acting weird. Something has to be up. I don't remember the last time Marie cooked a meal, and here she is pulling out all stops. I remember the first time that she did this and that was when she told me she was pregnant for the first time, and then again for Katie. She always cooks when she has something important and life changing to tell me. I wonder what it is this time...

********************

As I walked downstairs and into our dinning room I saw Marie placing our dishes at the ends of the table.

"This looks great," I said, making myself known and sitting down.

"Yea, well we need to talk," said Marie sitting down. "Jack, there's something that I need to tell you. But before you freak out. I don't need your answer right now. But I do need it by next Friday."

"Sure Marie," I said lifting a bite of food into my mouth.

"Jack. I'm being transferred to Chicago," she said so quickly that I almost didn't hear her.

"What," I said. "What do you mean you've been transferred to Chicago? What about me and the girls? You just can't expect for us to pick up everything and just leave. What about my father! My job!"

"Yes, Jack," she said starting to get angry. "I know all about your father, and I _know_ all about your job. It's the reason why your never home!"

"I'm never home! Yea, that's rich Marie. What about you? You are trying to up root our family to move to another state! Yes, I may work a lot. Yes, my job keeps me from being home a lot, but it's my job!"

"So what? Is my job just not as important as yours? Or is it just that you don't want to leave that little office whore? Is that it? Come on Jack. You still sleeping with that little tramp?" she yelled standing up.

I also stand up. "Leave Samantha out of this. This has nothing to do with her and you know that. This is between you and me so don't bring Sam into this."

"Samantha. Huh. So that's her name? Come on, Jack. Your slipping up. I need you answer by next Friday. I need to know if your coming with Hannah, Katie, and me to Chicago. O are you going to ruin our family again. Like you did the first time with... Sam."

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Out of all the things that I was expecting her to say that was the last thing. Chicago. That is so far away. I am sure that the FBI offices are nice over there, but would I really be able to pick up my life and leave like that? I really need to get out of here...

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Walking around the city has always had that calming effect on me. There are just so many places, different people that you can see walking down the street. So much mystery, so much magic, but also so much evil. Over the years I have seen my fair share of cruel evil human beings. People who can ruin an entire family with the flick of a switch, the pull of a trigger. Just like that one person can become God. Holding someone's life in their hands. That is the ultimate power. What I've tried to do is lessen that evil. Give those that have no hope some. Trying as hard as I do has it's effects on me. Which is why I am the way that I am.

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Usually when I go on these walks I end up at the park, and I walk aimlessly around for hours. But today is different and I find myself walking that familiar path to the office. My other home. Someday's it feels more like a home, then my actually apartment. Sad how that happens isn't it? Spending more time/ wanting to spend more time at my job, at my desk then at home.

Finally I reach my floor and as the door dings open and I look out across the Bullpen I can't help but let the memories overflow. From my first day as a rookie, all those years ago, to this morning. So many times spent looking for the people of the city that I don't know. Looking for clues, looking for something to help us find that missing person.

Walking into my office I stop and look around, really trying to take everything in at once and how this office has changed so much over the last few years. All the changes and it still feels the same. I still get that same adrenaline rush each time that we find the case breaker and get our missing person home.

I go to my office and sit down at my desk. Past my computer screen sits two pictures. One of Katie and one of Hannah. I don't remember when those pictures were taken, but it doesn't matter when I am able to look at those pictures and see their glowing smiles. I turn around to look at the desk behind me. Now usually it is cluttered with papers. But now that our old case is finished you can see the pictures I have there. There is some of Samantha, Vivian, Danny, Martin, and myself. Sitting at the conference table talking out our leads on a new case, and Paula came over and took our pictures. It was totally random and unexpected that none of us really knew what was going on. A few days later when I came in I noticed a box on my desk and inside was the picture in a wooden frame. We all looked so deeply at work, but frozen in motion were Sam and myself giving each other that knowing look and inside was a note saying. _"They need you as much as you need them. Remember that."_ At first I was confused but I got the gist of it. Next were all my degrees. So much time I spent learning everything I could about people. Look at me now. Deciding the fate of my family and marriage.

How did his all happen? 


	3. his

Chapter Three

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"A little but added to what you've already got gives you a little bit more."

- P.G. Wodehouse

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_::The next day at work::_

I know that today was going to be different it was going to be harder. Last night when I did ho home I just came in and crawled into bed, and said, "good nigh," to Marie. She didn't even ask me where I had gone, she didn't as much look up from the book that she was reading. I guess that it is better this way.

Today when I walked into the office I was Sam sitting on her desk talking to Martin, who was perched on the side of her desk, looking like he was ready to jump at her first command. And knowing Sam she probably didn't even notice, it was just the way that she was. Next was Vivian sitting at her desk, holding what looked to be her second cup of coffee. Danny had court so he wouldn't be in till later this afternoon.

I made my way to my desk and sat down, in the same place where I spent most of my night. It was then that I heard a knock on my door and in walked Sam. 

"Hey," she said. "You okay? You look like you go no sleep."

"No, I got sleep. Just not a lot. I had something on my mind," I replied and Sam just looked at me oddly. I gave her a lot more information then I normally would and she knew it, but she just let it go.

"Okay then. I am here if you wanna talk though... alright."

"Thanks," I said look her in the eyes. Mission accomplished. I got one of her special smiles that I have been able to convince were just for me, and just like that she was gone from my doorway.

********************

The morning was pretty clam, but then around three in the afternoon we got word that a high paid executive banker had just up and vanished after a scheduled business breakfast earlier that morning. No signs of a kidnaping but she wasn't one to just to pick up and leave during the day. Everyone had tried calling her. She wasn't at home and she wasn't answering her cell. We didn't have much to go on so I sent Samantha and Danny to talk to her friends, and co-workers, while Vivian and Martin went to go to talk to the family.

As I dismissed everyone Vivian stayed back to ask me something. She waited till everyone left and then.

"You alright?" she asked. Her voice showing more concern then her trained facial expression. 

"Yea, why wouldn't I be?" I wanted to know. It came out more harsh then I expected.

"Well you look like hell a–" 

"Thanks"

"_And_ you didn't assign yourself out in the filed. You only stay in the office when something is bothering you. And..." she stopped and looked like she was considering or not to continue. "You came in here this morning looking all dazed. Come one Jack. This is me that you are talking to. What's wrong."

"Nothing. I just didn't think that I was needed. I am going to start our paper trail," she gave me her mother look. "Honestly now go talk to the family. I am sure Danny is wondering where you are."

"Okay," she said after a minute. "But Jack," she waited till I caught her eye. "I am here if you ever need to have that talk."

"Thanks Viv."

"Anytime," she said turning to leave. 

********************

A few hours later we were all sitting around the conference table. It turns out that our missing person just decided to get away for a while. She got out of her business breakfast and headed to JFK and hopped on to the first plane out of New York. We traced her by her credit card charges. Sometimes those who try to get away are really just waiting to be found.

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Sighing as I walked into my office and sitting down at my desk, I saw everyone begin to pack up to go home but Sam. As Martin passed her desk he stopped to ask her something and she looked up to him and said something back and as he looked around he caught my eye, and as Martin walked away looking like a lost puppy Sam got up and made her way into my office.

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"Knock, Knock," she said as she let herself in and took a seat in one of the chairs in front of my desk. She crossed her legs showing that she wasn't moving until they talked.

"Sure, come in, take a seat," I said with a smirk. She didn't return it. "What's on your mind Sam," I said realizing that she wasn't in the mood.

"What's wrong? Come on Jack. This is me your talking to. You may be able to keep Vivian away with an "I'm fine." But I know you better. Come on what's going on?" 

I decided that it would be better to tell her the truth. The way that she wouldn't be as mad as when she finds out later. "Marie." I stopped seeing the look on her face. "Sam.. Marie had been transferred." I paused to see her reaction.

"Oh," she said before I could finish. "Um... where?" She asked in a small voice. I could tell that she was trying to keep the emotions at bay.

"To Chicago," I said quietly. Half hoping that she wouldn't hear me.

"Are you going to go?" Her voice growing smaller each time she spoke. This time I could tell that she was close to losing it. Trying to look everywhere but at me.

"I don't know," I said trying to catch her eye. "She told me that I have until Friday, and then either way she, and the girls were going to Chicago."

"I see. Well you should go," she said giving me a straight face and controlled voice. But when I looked into her eyes all I could see was sadness and inner turmoil.

"I know that it is the right thing to go," I said looking down at my hands, and then back up again before continuing. "But I don't want to leave. I have so much history here. My job, my life, my father, friends... you. There are so many things that I don't want to leave behind. But at the same time I know that I should keep my family together."

"Jack, when you came to visit me in the hospital after I had been shot, coming to tell me that you were trying to fix things with Marie, make your family whole. I was mad. I was mad because you risked your life for mine, because I had messed up and ruined everything, but most of all knowing that after you left that you would be going home. To your wife, to your kids, and that meant that we were officially over. But you gave it a chance. You tried to fix your marriage, and as much as it kills me to say it. You need your girls just as much as they need you. Be with them. Don't let them know what it is like to grow up without a father. And you don't have to worry about me," she said standing to leave. "I can take care of myself. Go to Chicago, and be with your family Jack. They need you more then you'll ever know."

And with that she left. 


	4. wife

Chapter Four

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"One's destination is never a place but rather a new way of looking at things."

- Henry Miller

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Sitting here at my desk I was faced with the hardest decision of my life. Do I stay or do I go? Or corse I have my reasons for wanting to stay, and the most obvious for is to leave my family. But how do I chose. Family vs. everything that I have ever known. Plus I don't know if I could go everyday without seeing Samantha. The way that I see it is, if I can't / shouldn't be with her at least I am able to see her everyday. Allowed to look but not touch.

I don't want my girls to grow up with only one parent, without a dad. When I was growing up with my dad I felt as though it was my own fault that my mom died. That I was the reason that she killed herself. I don't need my girls to grow up thinking that they are the reason that I left. They need to know I loved them. 

Marie, well she is another story. She acts like she never will be able to trust me again. Not that I have given her any reason to. I still work late, and I am sure that every time that I tell her that I won't be coming home she wonders if I am with another woman. I have tried to tell her numerous amounts of times that it is over. It takes tare me apart each time that I have to say that. It just reminds me of when I had to tell Samantha it was over. But there is no marriage without trust.

And then there is Sam. I have always regretted the day that we started this affair. I don't regret any of the choices that I have made, but I regret the fact that she got hurt in the process. There was always that attraction from day one. From the first day that Samantha Spade walked into my office I knew that I was hooked. She had this way about her that made women want to be her, and that had men kissing the ground that she walked on. I never planned on falling in love with her, but I don't think I really have a choice. I knew that from the first day what I was getting into. I just didn't plan on getting burned.

Maybe if I leave she'll be able to move on. I don't want her to love me. I am not worthy of it. I can't get my mind around the fact that she might actually love me. I know that she has told me, showed me but there are certain things in life you can't understand. She is blind to it, but she can have any man that she wants. Martin is clearly interested in her. He would do anything to get a date with her. He would treat her like the princess that she is, if she just gave him the chance. Martin can give her the life that she deserves. But with me here will she be able to move on?

The other night in my office it pained me to see her leave. To hear her telling me to go home with my family, with Marie. I don't think that there are the words to describe how much it hurt for me to hear her say those words, _"Be with you family, Jack."_ My family is not a family. It's my girls, with a mother and a father. Not a husband and a wife. All Marie and I do is fight. That isn't a relationship. _"They need you more then you'll ever know."_ If she only knew how much I need her. How my day doesn't feel complete without her. How she is the reason that I keep going. The hope that she said in me and the fact that I am trying to fix my unhappy marriage, trying to mend my broken family. Is the things that has kept me going. I would hate to see her upset at the fact that I failed. But at the same time I can't help but wonder that if Marie and I got a divorce if there would be a chance for us. Along with being hopeful of having Sam in my future I can't lose her faith in me. Along with that she is my rock in the storm.

So I guess I have my answer...

... I am going to Chicago. Please let this be the right choice. 


	5. but I

Chapter Five

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"Fear stops you in your tracks. Self-confidence propels you forward."

- Unknown

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Sam's POV

I walked into the office today and there was this high tension in the are. Something happened or was going to happen. Making my way to my desk, and switching on my computer, I saw VanDoren sitting in Jack's office with him. It could be nothing, she could be filling him in on the latest case. But then like a bucket of ice water was poured over my head, this wave of coldness flooded my thoughts, and immediately our conversation from yesterday flooded my mind. All of a sudden I felt as though I couldn't breath, and I sat down before someone said something about the draining color of my face.

Looking at the computer screen I tried to train my eyes on something other then Jack's office door. I logged on to the web to check my e-mail, and I was able to distract my eyes for a while, but not long enough because as soon as VanDoren left Jack's office I was up and making my way to him.

*******************

Before I can get through the door Jack is there and is ushering me back to the Bullpen with his hand lingering on my lower back. Maybe a little lower then would normally be operate, but nothing ever was between Jack and I.

As I sat down, and everyone joined us, I shot Jack a look telling him that we needed to talk and he just nodded in understanding.

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"Sam, your with me," said Jack breaking me from my thoughts. "We are going to go and talk to Jacob's friend, Andrew," he says checking the file. "See is he knows anything. Martin you'll start the paper trail. Credit cards, ATM, checking. You know the drill. Vivian the parents. It's been a while since they have talked, but still. Follow it all. Danny. I need you to go to his business. Who knows this could all have to do with a business deal gone wrong." 

Everyone having their assignments, left to go find out what they could. 

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Driving to Andrew's house I tried to get Jack to talk to me. But as soon as I opened my mouth his cell phone rand. From how he was talking, my guess was that it was Marie. The phone call lasted all the way to Andrew's apartment building.

Walking up the path to the buildings entrance, Jack's hand lingered low on by back. Just as it had before in the office. We were buzzed in by the landlord and after explaining why we were here he told us that we could find Andrew's apartment on the seventh floor. Being one of the older buildings there were no stairs and he told us that we were going to have to walk.

Now walking normally didn't usually affect me, but by the forth flight of stairs I had to stop on the nearest landing because my leg was killing me. When Jack noticed that I was no longer beside him and that I had stopped, he walked back down the last few steps and stopped where I was.

"Your leg?" he questioned.

"Yea, it still acts up time to tome. I guess it's not used to climbing a lot of stairs anymore."

He just gave me a look of concern and placed his hand on the lower part of my back again. This is the third time today that he has done this. He hasn't touched me this much since he took me out of the bookstore. This time he allowed his hand to slip under the hem of my shirt and touched the skin of my lower back, sending heat through my body. But this time I couldn't help it. This time I had to say something.

"Jack?" I said, trying not to allow my voice to sound to affected.

"Yes?" he asked looking at me.

"What are you doing?" and as if his hand had been burned he pulled it away, and shoved in it to his pocket, and just like that the warmth was gone.

"Sorry," he said.

*******************

As we approached the door I looked at Jack. And the look upon his face was one of inner-turmoil. Knocking at the door I couldn't help but ask.

"You okay?"

"Yup," he said not taking his eyes off the door, knowing that the second that he did, I would be able to read him like an open book.

"Okay," I said as the door opened and left it at that.

*******************

"Yea, what do you want?" questioned Andrew.

"FBI. We are here to talk to you about the disappearance of Jacob Meyers. May we come in?" Jack questions.

"Yea, sure. Most defiantly. Do you guys know anything yet?" he asks showing us into his apartment and in to his living room. He sits on the ottoman that is placed in front of a small love seat and tell us to take a seat. Jack and I look at each other and sit down in the small space provided for us.

"No, we don't have very much right now. Which is why we are here." I say. "Has Jacob been acting differently lately? Has he been distant? Seem distracted?"

"No. He is usually quite. Goes to a few parties now and then. Never did drugs in school, as far as I know. We hang out with the same group of people, but that's about it. He is usually off focus, or in his own type of world so I can't really help you there."

"Now Jacob lived here for a while right." questions Jack, looking around.

"Well we used to live together, way back when. But not in this apartment. We lived all the way across town on Furnace Dock. But that was about four or five years ago."

"Well thank you for you time." I say. "And if you think of anything don't hesitate to call." I hand my business card and stand up ready to leave. Jack does the same.

*******************

Driving back to the office we sit in an unbelievable tension filled silence. Not being able to stand it anymore I chose to break the silence.

"Jack, wha–," I start, but I am soon being cut off.

"Samantha," he starts. That's cold. He barley ever calls me Samantha. Only when he wants to keep it strictly professional. "I told Marie," he starts. "I told Marie that I would be going with her to Chicago."

And just like that my whole world was thrown out of control by Jack Malone.

"You did," I said, not being able to control the shakiness of my voice.

"Yes, but Sam." there the nickname again. "I need to do this. I need to keep my family together. If not for me, then for my girls they need to know I love them. They need me."

"It's okay Jack." I start. "There your family. Of corse you should go with them. Why wouldn't you, I mean?" I say trying to shrug it off like it wasn't a big deal, as if my heart wasn't just thrown to the ground and being shattered into a million pieces, and that this wasn't tarring me in two. "I am glad that you are doing this, honestly." I try to ensure him. "When do you leave?" I ask as we are stopped in a line at the toll booth.

"The end of next week," he says trying to catch my eye. "That is what I was talking to Paula about this morning. I handed in my transfer slip last night."

"Next week," I repeat.

"Yea, next week," he says again.

"So who's taking over the unit, or do they not know yet?" I say trying to steer the conversation on to safer ground.

"Sam, d–," he tried, but this time I am the one cutting him off.

"No Jack, don't," I say, unable to keep the emotion out of my voice. "I am the last person that you need to explain this to," I say trying to keep the tears out of my eyes.

"Okay," he says and leaves it at that.

As I reached out for the radio to switch it on, to chase away this loud silence. Jack grabs for my hand and places it in his lap. Just that but of contact and I know that it will all be right.


	6. will

Chapter Six

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"Try to please everybody and you please nobody."

-Unknown

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Jack's POV

It seems like it was just yesterday that I was a rooking sitting in my superiors office. Telling her why I wanted to work for the FBI and the Missing Persons Unit. It is almost like I am living in this world. I can't be leaving the one thing that has always held me down, that has always been a constant. I can't be leaving my father, my friends, my co-workers, my Sam... But she isn't my Sam is she? She doesn't belong to me, never did, never will. Hopefully, with me gone, she will be able to move on.

********************

Walking around my office packing away all of my things. I can't help but let my mind wander. So many memories. My first day as the head of the unit, so afraid, but yet so eager to do god. To succeed. Showing my girls around. Telling them that this was where there daddy worked. But along with the good memories, there were also the ones that I shouldn't have done. Here of all places.

My first kiss with Samantha. She had come into my office after a hard case to talk to me about it. But what she saw was a whole different me. Someone that I didn't let anyone see, even Marie. I was siting down at my desk me head in my hands and instead of me comforting her she came over to me and pulled my into a hug. It was the first time that she had hugged me and I clung to her for dear life. I didn't want to let go, so I just kept on holding her tighter. And then I kissed her, like it was the most natural thing in the world. She pulled away and when I saw the light, the hope, the love in her eyes I pulled her back, and crushed my lips to hers. That was the start of our messed up relationship together.

But as I said along with the good came the bad. Although it was where we shared our first kiss, it was also the place where I told her that I had left Marie, three months earlier. I know that she thought that it was her fault and in part it was. But it also had to deal with the fact that I wasn't happy. Then the OPR investigation. That almost threatened to expose us. But Sam kept her cool. I on the other hand... well lets just say that I wanted to punch Farrell until I couldn't recognized him anymore. It wasn't even the fact that he threated to expose us it was the fact that he had hurt Sam. It was enough that she felt that she was the reason for the end of my marriage, the fact that we both fell in love and we couldn't do anything about it. But the truth is that he hurt her, and in return I wanted to hurt him.

********************

Looking around I can't help but wonder if it is better this way. Leaving without saying good bye, especially to Sam. But Paula will explain everything to them. I left them each notes telling that why I left, and why I couldn't say good bye in person. I started Sam's about fifty times before I got the beginning that I wanted. And then once I started I couldn't stop. I just kept on going. So hers is more like a book then a note, but I had a lot to say.

Picking up my box of stuff I took one last look around my office and then left. Sitting on my desk were the letters to Martin, Danny, and Vivian. Sam's would be on her desk. Surely a movement that wouldn't get unnoticed by everyone else, but I am sure that they all knew about what we shared anyway.

Walking over to her desk and seeing her name plate, "Samantha Spade" Sam Spade. How many times have people asked her about that? How many times did she have to tell people that he mother was a huge Bogart fan? I always thought that the name suited her. She always hated when I told her that, so I made a note to tell her regularly. That's even how I started her letter, "Sam Spade," if she could I bet that would hit me for it, but what can yo do?

Looking around her desk I can't help but wonder where she fells more at home. At her apartment or at the office. On her desk are her neatly organized piles of information to whatever it is that she is working on. Along her computer screen are post-it notes with numbers and random scribbles. On her cork board are different pictures. Two of all of us, one is the same one that I have in my office. I gave her a copy after the Annie Miller case, when she felt trapped. There are a few random new paper clippings, but there is one thing that sticks out. It is a picture of nothing really. It looks as though whoever took the picture just stood in the middle of the road and took a picture. It was a picture of a busy city street. Looking at it closer I noticed our building. So I guess that I have my answer. Work is more of a home to her then her own apartment.

"Oh, Sam," I say. "When did you become so much like me?"

"Well I guess when I decided that you were to be my mentor," answers her voice. And I look up to see her standing over me watching what I'll do next.

********************

"Sam," I said standing up.

"Jack," she says.

"Sam," I say again. I seemed to be the only thing that I could get out.

"Well I know my name, and I hope that you know your name. So what do you say we don't go over our names again?" she said looking at me, and standing with her hands on her hips.

And that is when I began to take in her attire. She wasn't dressed in her normal office attire. But in tight, butt hugging jeans, and a light blue form fitting t-shirt.

"Sam," saying her name again, but this time I continued. "Sam, what are you doing here? You should be at home."

"I could be saying the same thing to you," she points out. "But I guess that I already have my answer," she says as she spots the box sitting on the floor next to her desk. "You were going to leave without saying good bye," not being able to keep the sadness in her voice away.

"Sam, let —," but she cuts me off.

"No. You were going to leave, and you weren't even going to say good bye," she says the anger showing in her voice, but not in her eyes. All that her eyes show is sadness, pain, and hurt. Yet again I single handily caused Samantha Spade more pain.

"I don't know how to say good bye," I say after what feels like forever. But in reality is only a few minutes. "How can I say good bye when all I want to do is stay? How do I say good bye to Vivian who I have been working with for what seems like forever? Danny? Martin? But what kills me the most Sam. What hurts the most," the sadness in my voice, in my heart beginning to show though, "What hurts the most is that you think that I could just pack up and leave and not say good bye. Especially to you. Because that is what is killing me. That I have to say good bye to you. I don't know how I am going to be able to do this, and what scares me is that your not going to be there to help me everyday. I am not going to be able to se you, or hear your voice. Everyday and that just kills me Sam."

"Jack, -," she tires.

"No. Let me finish," I say and take a deep breath. "Sam, yes I know that we have had our lovely, messed up relationship, but what can I do? I fell in love with you while I was married to someone else. I did just what I promised myself I would never do. I love you, Sam. I really do. And it kills me to know that all of this, our relationship, your affair, our love, is hurting you. Is hurting us. Each and everyday I see you walk in here, head held high, strong, and I wish that I could be like you. I wish that I could have half your strength."

"But Jack you do," she said leading me to sit down on the couch in my old office. "How do you think I was able to recover after being shot? You. You told me that you still had faith in me. You gave me hope. God Jack I love you, also. And as much as I want you here with me, everyday. Your family needs you, and you need them. Maybe even more then they need you," she said with sadness in her voice. "You need to be with them Jack."

********************

We sat there talking for what felt like hours. Finally when Sam started to yawn I looked over to see what time it was. The clock read 1:32am. Damn, how long have we been talking?

"Sam," I said and she looked at me.

"Yea, I know. Time to call it a night," she says, the sadness that had left her voice over the corse of the night returning. "Jack."

"Yea?" I ask.

"Come home with me?" she asks. I know what I should do, and what I want to do. There are a million reasons why I shouldn't go home with Sam. But for the life of me I can't thin of one right now. 


	7. always

Chapter Seven

********************

"Action is often the best remedy for the sick at heart."

- Unknown

********************

Sam's POV

Sitting here four months later I look back over the time since that night. Jack came back to my place and we shared our last night together before he moved to Chicago. I knew that when he left I would be hitting major depression and I wasn't quite sure what I was going to do with myself.

A few weeks after Jack had left, Martin approached me, and asked if I wanted to go out for a drink. Not willing to spend another night alone. I agreed. The look on his face when I told him that I would go was totally priceless. He looked as though I had given him the map to find the hidden treasure.

After that week Martin and I going out every once and a while after work, became a normal thing. One night was he was walking me to my door, my hand found it's way into his, and we interlaced our fingers together. I think that he was shocked at first, but he soon relaxed into this whole new defection of our relationship. When we arrived at my door he raised our hands to his mouth and kissed it and left our good-night at that. The next night however, when we reached my door, before he could kiss my hand again, I pulled him against me, his hand landing on my hip, with my back against the door I kissed him, I kissed him hard. That I guess is how you could say that our relationship started.

********************

Jack's POV

Four months ago, I picked up everything that I ever truly loved and believed in, to move to Chicago to "fix" my marriage with Marie, and to stay with my girls. Now I don't understand how I came to his point. Sitting on a plane returning to New York, and hopefully back to a job, and something more... Samantha.

When someone you are close to moved away, you ::always:: promise that you are going to keep in touch. And for a while you don't break that promise, but then it seems to get harder to keep that promise. I still call Samantha and Vivian every once and a while, and they also keep tabs on me. But something has changed. That close togetherness that we used to have just isn't there anymore, and I am sure that is has to do with the fact that I left. But something also seems way off. I am not sure what it is quite yet, but I have the feeling as soon as I see everyone again, I'll know.

********************

Sam's POV

Around 2:30 Martin asks if I want to go grab some lunch at the diner around the corner. Since there isn't any cases going on I don't see why not, because there really isn't anything to do around the office, other then paper work.

We tell Vivian where were headed, and that we have our cell phones on if anything comes up. She tells us to have a good time and soon we are on our way.

********************

Jack's POV

Around 3:15 I walk into the Bullpen to see no one at all. I walk to the office that used to be mine, and inside I see Vivian and Danny with tons of paper work laid out in front of them.

"Hey you guys," I say as I push the door to the office open. "What's going on?" I can see by the looks on their faces they were shocked to see me to say the least. But after the initial shock they both came over to great me.

"Hey, Jack," said Danny as he cam over and gave me a hug. "What brings you back to our part?" I don' say anything for a while and they just give each other a look. I guess me saying nothing was saying more then I thought.

"So... where are Sam and Martin?" I ask trying to break the unbearable loud silence.

"Oh... Um," tries Danny. So I look at Vivian. 

"Viv?" I question.

"Oh- they went to lunch. No case so they decided to take a break from the endless amount of paper work." Pause. "But they should be back any minute," she said not making eye contact with me.

"Okay," I say trying to figure out what was going on. "How about you all fill me in with what's been going on while I've been gone."

  



	8. be

Chapter Eight

********************

"It has always possible to approach a goal by a detour."

- Theodor Reik

********************

Sam's POV

Heading back into the office I see Danny sitting at his desk, next to mine, talking to someone. Looking around to see who it was I was startled to see Jack sitting in my chair. It's been four months since I had last seen him, four months since our last night together and waking up in his arms for the last time. Everyday for those last four months I have spent trying to forget him.

********************

Jack's POV

Danny and I go out to the Bullpen to talk and catch up. I tell him that I have left Marie, and he tells we all about what's been going on around the office. Suddenly Danny picks up his head and smiles, I turn around to see who it is, but already knowing, and there stands Sam with a "caught in the headlights" look upon her face. 

"Hey Sam," I start, and she just looks at me as though she's seen a ghost.

"Jack," she says taking three strides to reach me. "What are you doing here?" she questions as she reaches out to hug me, but then thinks twice of it. But not taking the time to think about where we are I pull her to me, and crush her to my chest never wanting to let go.

A moment passes, and then another and soon we have hit the past professional mark, but it doesn't matter to me. I am back where I belong, and I am holding Sam in my arms. Everything seems right in the world.

The sound of someone clearing there throat finally breaks us apart. Looking up I Martin looking at Sam and I with a broken look on his face. Looking at Sam, more then at me. 

"Hey Martin," I greet him.

"Jack," he says coldly. "What brings you back to our part?" he questions.

"Well actually," I start looking at him, and then moving to face Sam. "Well I am actually moving back to the city. Marie and I have separated, and I have decided to move back to New York, then stay in Chicago." I am looking at Sam trying to gauge her reaction to news, and the look on her face is one of pure and total shock. Sure not everyone can read her, but I am one of the chosen few who can. 

"Your what?" she says as her voice cracks.

"I'm moving back into the city," I repeat.

"Are you still going to be working with the FBI?" she asks.

"I am, but I can't go back to being the head of the unit. Now that Vivian has the job, it's hers for as long as she wants it. And from what I hear she is doing an excellent job." I add that last bit 'cause I know that it's true.

"So your coming back... to New York, staying with the FBI, and you left Marie. You sure know how to lay it on don't you?" she asks and I agree with her.

"Yea, I didn't want to leave anything out on my first time through." I say with a half grin.

"You sure don't," said Sam, sitting down at the conference table and as I move to sit next to her, but Martin gets there first and I can't help but look at him oddly, so I chose to sit across the table from both of them. Sam is giving Martin a look, and Martin is shooting on back at Sam. Danny is just sitting at his desk wearing an amused face. 

Seeing that there staring contest isn't going anywhere fast I try to break the uncomfortable silence. "So what have you all bee up to?" I ask knowing I can't go wrong with that question. "It's been a while since I have talked to you Sam."

"Well nothing really," says Sam. I look at Martin to see if he has anything to add.

"Sam and I are going to go visit my family this weekend. They just love her," Martin says while reaching for Sam's hand that is resting on the arm of her chair. I look back and forth between Martin and Sam, and when she doesn't pull her hand away, and refuses to catch my eye, that's when I know. That's when I see it, that loving look that Martin is giving Sam. There dating. I am sure of it. I always knew that Martin had a thing for Sam. A puppy love crush, but I never thought that he would act on it. That, and I never thought Sam would go for him. But I guess that I was wrong,'

Judging by the look that Martin was now getting from Sam he wasn't meant to tell me. 

I guess that I can't say that I am upset. It isn't my place, it's not like I could have asked Sam to wait for me. Hell! I didn't even know that I was going to leave Marie, let alone get a divorce. I'm glad she moved on it was what I wanted to happen.

So I have no reason to be jealous or upset... right?


	9. his

Chapter Nine

********************

"Each moment of the year has its beauty, a pictures which was never seen before, and which shall never be seen again."

- Ralph Waldo Emerson

********************

Martin POV

Dammit. I always knew that the day that Jack came back was going to be the worst day of my life. I knew that the second that Sam saw him, the minute that they were alone together, would be when I lost her. I thought that we had something good, something that would last, and maybe Sam would come out of this relationship loving me, like I have loved her for the last three years. I guess I was wrong, I was just someone to keep her busy, to block away all the pain. I should have known. Samantha Spade would love no man like she loves Jack Malone.

********************

Sam's POV

I can't believe that Jack is back. I can't believe that he left Marie more. His girls, his family. They used to be everything to him, but now? I don't know what I am going to do. There are so many ways that this could go. I could be with Jack, like I have always wanted. Have a family with the man that I love. Be happy, be loved. 

Or... or I could stay with Martin. He loves me. I know that he does. I can see it in his eyes each and every time that he looks at me. We are good together, I know that... But... we aren't as good as Jack and I. Jack always knew what I meant, and what I was feeling just by looking at me, or by the pitch in my voice. Martin, well he always asks me what's wrong or how I am doing. I get away with so much with him. Hiding how I am feeling has always been my strong suite, but since knowing Martin I've perfected it.

Truth is. I think that the only reason why I ever thought that it could work with Martin is because Jack wasn't around. Now that he is back I don't know where that leaves us. I saw the look in his eyes when Martin grabbed my hand and I didn't pull it away. I never thought that Jack would ever leave Marie. I never thought that Jack would ever be coming back four months later to New York, to tell me that he has left Maria and is moving back to the city. I never really believed that Jack and Marie would ever really be over.

********************

Sam's POV

I am going to meet Martin for dinner tonight. He told me to meet him at Jacobson, a restaurant that is a favorite of ours. He said, _"that we need to talk,"_ that can't be good. I can't think of the number of times that I have dropped that line on to unsuspecting guys. But tonight I think that we aren't going to stray far from the topic of Jack Malone.

As I approach the table I see Martin sitting there deaf to everyone else surrounding him as I walk towards him. Over the last few months whenever we have gone out it has always been like this. To tell you the truth; a girl could get used to this. When I get to our table Martin stands up to pull out my chair for me. But before that he pulls me to him and kisses me.

"Hey sweetheart," he says as he lets me go and as I sit down.

"Hey," I say waiting for him to sit down. "What's up? Over the phone you sounded upset, and you said that we _'needed to talk.'"_

"Sam," he starts, and I flinch on the inside. The only person that I ever liked to call me Sam was Jack. But Martin has seemed to pick it up. "We need to talk about Jack and what happened today," I nod in understanding. "I know that over the last few months you've kept in contact with him. But today at the office he seems completely shocked to find out that he have been dating."

"Matin," I start. But he doesn't stop and keeps on going.

"But its seems funny to me, that we've been dating for about three months and you didn't once mention it to Jack in all the times that you have talked. At first I didn't read to much into it. But it got me to start thinking. Why not? Why not tell Jack Malone, you ex-boyfriend, or affair buddy," at my shocked face he smirked. "Yes, I know all about that. But it occurred to me that you weren't going to tell that man that you loved... no wait, love, that you moved on and are now dating me. So Sam, tell me why? Why couldn't you tell Jack about is?"

I just sat there staring at him. Never before had he ever spoken to me like that. Each and every time he ever spoke to me he was nice and sweet. Now he just sounded evil, and mean. So I began.

"First, Martin. Don't you ever speak like that to me ever again," keeping my voice low and threatening. "You have no right what so ever," I said leaning over the table to talk to him so that only he could hear me. "To talk to me. No right what so ever. I don't know who you think you are telling me, no asking me my I didn't tell Jack about us. I never expected that our innocent flirting and drinks would ever lead anywhere. Yes, I am happy that we did end up together. Bot no way did Jack Malone ever leave my heart. Not even for one second. That might sound evil and rude of me to say, but it's true. Yes, I still love Jack, and I always will. Nothing will ever change that."

"Woah," said Martin with a stunned look on his face. I don't know who was more shocked me or him. Never did I think that those words would come out of my mouth. "Well Samantha, I always know, but I never though that you would tell me," he looked broken. "I'm sorry."

"Martin."

"No, no. I really am. I had no business talking to you like that. I guess that I was just angry. I knew that this," he says waving his hand back and forth between us, "would never last . I am just happy that it happened. I won't make it odd back at the office if you won't," he says standing up. "Especially if you and Jack get together. By Sam," he says as he comes over and kisses me on the cheek. "See you Monday," and with that he is gone.

********************

Sam's POV

That did not just happen. It couldn't have. Break ups don't work like that. They don't. I am living proof. But now what do I do? I can't just go to Jack and tell him that Martin and I have broken up... can I?

I wonder where he is staying. I think I heard him tell Danny that he never got rid of his apartment in the city. I am gonna go talk to him...

...But am I ready? 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	10. greatest

Chapter Ten

A/N: Sorry it took me so long to get this chapter up. I haven't been able to see for the better part of the last week due to a black eye so I posted it as soon as I could. One more chapter to go after this. 

"Tomorrow has in infinite number of possibilities."

- Unknown

Jack's POV

Martin and Sam. Samantha and Martin. Sam and Martin. Martin and Sam. Never did I see I coming. 

Pacing around my old apartment, the one I brought when Marie and I separated. I know that he always had a thing for her. But never did I think she him. Looking around me, I can't help but remember all of the times that I wanted to bring her back here, but I couldn't. She knows where it is though. I know that. A while ago I told her because she wanted to know just in case.

Standing up to get ready for bed I hear a knock at the door. Not even wondering who would be knocking at my door at 12 at night, I open the door without even checking the peep hole.

On the other side of the door stood Sam

Sam's POV

Jack comes to the door looking like he is asleep on his feet. 

"Sam," he says, looking to make sure that it is me. "What are you doing here?" he said as he steps aside to let me inside.

"I wanted to talk to you about today in the office," I say walking inside and taking off my jacket, tossing it on to the nearest chair. 

"Sam, you don't need to explain. Especially to me," he says taking a seat on the couch, and I move to sit next to him.

"But I do. You don't understand Jack," I say moving to sit on the coffee table across from him so that he could look into my eyes. "When you left I thought that I would never see you again, so I tried hard. Really heard to forget you," at that he looks up. "But I couldn't do it. I couldn't forget you Jack. Do you have any idea how hard it is to forget the one you love?"

"Oh Sam. I do. Why do you think that I've come back. I couldn't live without you. I left because I thought that, that is what I needed to do to finally make my marriage work. But I was wrong. It was never going to be better, it was never going to be fixed," he said as he looked down at his hands and then back up to me. "When I saw you and Martin together today, I thought that I had lost you, and I wasn't ready for that. I never thought that you two would get together. I never saw it happening. But when I saw the way that he looked at you. I knew that he could make you happy. Probably happier then I could have ever made you."

"Jack, —," I start. 

"No Sam. Listen. I am happy for you," he says standing.

"Jack, sit down. I need to tell you something," I say standing to try to get him to sit. When he doesn't listen I push him backwards to that he falls on to the couch, seeing him trying to stand again. I do the first thing that comes to my mind. I push him back down, but this time keeping my hands on his shoulders I move to straddle him. Automatically his hands come to rest on my hips.

"Sam?" he asks.

"Jack, Martin and I broke up," I start. "Or should I say, Martin broke up with me." The look of shock flashes across his face.

"What do you mean that Martin broke up with you? Why?" he asks.

"Well he told me that he knew about our affair, and he knew that now that you were back things were going to be weird, and how he knew about how I felt about you, and how he never expected us to happen, and that he never thought that it wouldn't have lasted much longer if you hadn't shown up, and that because I love you that you were never going to leave my heart and that he couldn't be with me, and he said that he would see me on Monday." Jack just sat there trying to figure out what was going on. But just about 3 words of her whole speech stuck in his head.

"You love me," he said. 

"Yes Jack. I love you. Always have and I always will." I said moving a bit closer to him.

"I love you, too," he said as he leaned in and captured me lips with his. 

That night they spent re-discovering each other. 

_TBConcluded_


	11. love

Chapter Eleven

A/N: Sorry for the long wait. I couldn't decide how to end the story. But personally I liked the way that I did. Jack and Sam having a family of there own is something that I have always pictured. I hope you like it. Enjoy!

"Remember the past, live in the present, and look forward to the future."

- Unknown

_Two Years Later_

"Ruthie!," yelled Samantha. "Ah! I turn my back for two seconds and your food is all over the floor! What am I going to do with you?!" Samantha was running around trying to cook dinner and feed Ruthie the adorable one year, who just decided that she wanted to throw her dinner across the kitchen floor.

Standing in the doorway connecting the kitchen to the garage was Jack, looking at his wife and baby girl. He was convinced that nothing could make him happier, but he was wrong. The fact that there were two young girls standing behind him also made him smile. Hannah and Katie were going to be staying with him and Samantha for the entire summer, instead of going away to summer camp. He had just picked them up from the JFK airport and brought them over. He told them to be quite as they entered the house, just incase Ruthie was sleeping. But what they saw was unexpected.

Sam was running this way and that through their large kitchen, trying to do ten things at once. When she was pregnant with Ruthie she decided that she needed to learn how to cook proper meals. So that was what she was doing. She was cooking a proper meal, while trying to feed Ruthie, while trying to set the table, while trying to clean the kitchen as she went, and was trying to unpack the groceries of the girls favorite foods. He found it quite cute and amazing, that she was trying to do everything herself.

Sam being to busy had yet to notice the three new additions to the kitchen and tried to scurry this way and back without disturbing the pattern that she had seemed to pick up through the corse of it all. She couldn't stop thinking about Hannah and Katie, and couldn't wait to see them. The last time that they were here they had gotten on so well that they had formed some kind of friendship, and they accepted the fact that she was their step mother.

It even turned out at times that they would call the house and get Jack, but they would ask to talk to her first, or they would just call for her all together. Jack of corse was thrilled that almost all the women in his life were getting along. All but Marie and Sam, but that was understandable.

Thinking that they had been lurking for long enough, Jack stepped into the kitchen as soon as Sam's back was towards them, and snuck up behind her, placed his hands on her hips and kissed her neck. If she was startled she didn't show it. But that didn't shock him, she seemed to have this radar fine tuned to him, and if he was ever near her then she would know.

As she relaxed back into him, she remembered all that she was trying to do, and the two little girls that were standing in the doorway staring at her.

"Hannah! Katie! Look at you two," she said as she turned to them and opened her arms. "You two have grown so much since the last time that I've seen you," she said as she hugged each of them.

"Hey Sam," they said together. "Guess what. On the plane we were stilling next to this old man who was snoring so loud," Katie held her hands out to show how much. "And when he woke up he asked if we would like to see a magic trick and he pulled out a silver dollar out of my ear, and he let me keep it!" shouted Katie, as she held up the silver dollar.

"Yea well he pulled out a golden dollar out of my ear, and he let me keep it too!" said Hannah, showing Sam the money.

"Well that was very nice of him wasn't it? I hope that you both said 'thank you'," said Jack looking back and forth between the three of them.

"Don't be silly daddy. Of corse we did!" said Hannah.

"Yea, don't be silly daddy," echoed Katie.

"Yea, don't be silly Jack," said Sam looking up at him, giving him a smirk.

"Oh, no. Not you too," he said rolling his eyes, and turning to look at Ruthie who has suddenly become very giggling with all the noise, and new people in the room.

"Oh come on Jack," said Sam standing to kiss him on the lips.

"EW!!!" yelled Hannah and Katie together.

Laughing Jack turned to the girls, while still holding Sam around the waist, "Go up stairs and put your stuff in your rooms. And then come back down for dinner after you have washed up." Both the girls turned to get their backpacks and went upstairs.

"Now where were we?" asked Jack turning back to Samantha.

"I think right about here," she said leaning up to kiss him hard on the lips. After a few minutes Sam pulled away, and Jack groaned.

"Sam," he said. "What did you do that for?"

"One, I still have to finish dinner. Two, Hannah and Katie don't need to be scared by seeing us kiss like that. And three, you have a year old baby over there who wants her daddy to pick her up," she said turning to Ruthie, who up to that moment had been quite.

"Okay, you convinced me. You know I can't turn down one of my girls," he said as he turned to pick up Ruthie from her high chair and swung her around over his head making air plane noises.

Soon all five of them were sitting around the table. While they were sitting Jack got up to get soda for Hannah and Katie, and a bottle of wine for Sam and himself. Sitting the girls glasses in front of them they smiled.

"Daddy?" asked Hannah. Turning to look at his oldest daughter, Hannah continued. "Why do we get to drink out of the glasses like you and Samantha?"

"Well, I thought that you would want to have the same glasses as us. But if you don't I can take them away," he said pretending to make a grab for them.

"No! It's okay," said Hannah. "I like being able to have the glasses like you and Sam," she said as she took a drink of her soda.

"Yea, me to!" said Katie.

Turning to Sam, Jack realized that she wasn't drinking the wine that he had gotten for her, but that she was drinking water.

"Sam? Everything okay?" he asked concerned. "You aren't drinking the wine I brought you, and it's your favorite."

Thinking that now would be as good as a time as any other Sam started. "Well honey, it wouldn't be good for the baby."

Jack just looked at her confused. "Sam what are you talking about? Ruthie is right there. What harm could it do?"

"It could hurt the baby, Jack. Our baby," she said it slower this time hoping that he would pick up on what she was saying. As far as she could tell Hannah and Katie had caught on, and Jack just looked at her funny.

And then it clicked. "Our baby?"

"Yes, our baby," said Samantha smiling.

"Y-, your– your pregnant?" said Jack stuttering?

"Yes!" squeaked Sam, not knowing if he was mad or not. "Are you upset? I know this isn't what we planned, but I am happy, but I want you to be happy, but if your ma—," but he cut of her nervous rant by kissing her full on the lips. This time Hannah and Katie stayed quite and started jumping up and down, chanting "Were going to have a baby! Were going to have a baby!" Over and over again.

_Nine Months Later_

"I am going to kill you! How could you do this to me!?! I am _never _going to forgive you for doing this to me, I hate you, you ass hole!" yelled Samantha. She had just gone into labor and she was yelling her head off at Jack, who just seemed amused.

"It's okay baby. I love you and that's all that matters," he said smoothing back her hair and kissing her forehead.

"Okay, one more big push Sam," said the doctor.

"Don't call me Sam," she yelled, before managing one last push, and a baby boys yelling filled the room.

"Sweetheart, look he's beautiful," said Jack. Overly happy that he finally had a son, and not to mention a wife that he couldn't get enough of.

"Oh, Jack he looks just like you. He's going to be a knock out when he's older," said Sam groggily, her eyes floating shut.

"Just sleep sweetheart, and we'll be here when you wake up," said Jack kissing her head again.

"I'm sorry for what I said before. I don't hate you. I love you," said Sam before falling asleep.

"I love you, too," said Jack. "Now get some rest. And when you wake up we can start a family of our very own.

finis.


End file.
